Smartt Talk

You might be the speaker, but it’s not about YOU

This week, I had the pleasure of seeing the incredible Holland Taylor take on the formidable role of Ann Richards in “Ann.” While the show was a tour de force, what lifted the roof off of the Lincoln Center theater was the attendance of Bill & Hillary, Gabby Giffords, and Meryl Streep.

After chatting with Holland Taylor backstage, Hillary looked up at some of us gawking down as she walked below toward the parking garage, and said to us “Wasn’t she amazing? She was JUST like that in real life!” She took the focus off of her and shifted it onto Holland Taylor and her astounding performance - something that we all collectively shared. It wasn’t about her, it was about us.

So remember when you are next in front of a group and the focus is on you - bring that focus back to your audience. Because ultimately it’s not about you.

When Pitching - Get Personal

I was recently coaching women CEOs seeking venture capital as part of Double Digit Academy, a boot camp in NYC organized and led by Julia Pimsleur, a veteran fundraiser, Forbes blogger and Little Pim CEO who’s been through the trenches and has vast knowledge to share.

When seeking VC funding, there is a list of things to prepare. You need to understand your market and be clear about how you’re going to make money, of course - but at the core is your story.

Why are you doing this? What is the problem you are solving, the need that you are meeting, and why are you so passionate about it? Get down to the root of what is driving you to act. Get personal.

One CEO stated that she wasn’t comfortable talking about her personal life - which is understandable. What was fascinating was that once she DID talk about the personal reasons she started her company, she had the entire room captivated. The passion that she felt was undeniable. She struck storyteller gold.

But this was an emotional place, and she expressed concern about “going there” when pitching for funds. When telling your story, touch on the personal, possibly tender point, but keep your focus on the exhilaration of crafting a solution. Practice telling the story. A lot. But don’t ever lose connection with the personal passion that’s driving you to make things change for the better.

Your passion will illuminate you. Your audience will experience it with you and be moved to take action.

By telling your personal story, you create a path for your audience to connect with you on a human level. 

Do NOT Picture your audience in their underwear!

One piece of advice that seems to have made it’s way into the cannon of public speaking tips is “just picture the audience in their underwear.” From the Brady Bunch to the current reality show The Pitch, this is bad advice that just won’t die.

I would like to kill this advice once and for all.

In his excellent radio interview on NPR with Regina Brett, Scott Berkun traces the origins of the underwear advice possibly to Winston Churchill, who while being an excellent speaker, “was also an alcoholic, so a lot of his advice about what he did probably doesn’t apply to most people.”

There are a lot of things you can do about nerves, but adding the visual of your audience in their underwear most likely will short circuit and distract you from why you’re speaking in the first place. 

OK, so what CAN you do about nerves?

• Cut yourself some slack - everyone feels nervous before they speak - just acknowledging that to yourself can take some of the pressure off. Avoid starting my saying “I’m really nervous…I don’t do this often.” The audience might not even realize you’re nervous, so no need to sabotage yourself.
• Avoid caffeine, bubbly drinks, heavy meals, and alcohol beforehand. I’ve had to discourage more than one client NOT to drink before they speak.
• Practice - Go through your presentation out loud until you’ve got it down cold. The fact that you’ve got it under your belt will alleviate a lot of the anxiety you feel. There are many things you can’t control, but practicing is one that you CAN.
• The day of your presentation get some physical exercise to help expel some of the energy that your body generates. You could probably lift a car with the adrenaline that’ll be pumping through your body, so work some of that off beforehand. The is one of many great points made in Scott Berkun’s excellent book Confessions of a Public Speaker, my number one book recommendation to my workshop attendees at General Assembly & Brooklyn Brainery.
• Remember to breathe deeply, slow down and keep it conversational.
• Make allies - If it’s possible, chat with people beforehand so that you have some friendly faces in the audience to connect with.

My Story? Well, it all started…

At job interviews, do you freeze up when you start to talk about your history? Do you have a hard time figuring out what to tell and what to leave out? What about the things you did that didn’t really turn out exactly as you’d planned? How do you talk about jobs that you absolutely hated without detouring into Negative-land?

The good news is that as the storyteller, you have the ability to craft your story. This isn’t to say that you should lie or in any way misrepresent yourself. Don’t. It will come back to bite you in the ass. But if you had a job that you absolutely hated, the one thing that you CAN say is that you learned from it. Whatever it was about it that you didn’t like, it more than likely made you wiser than when you started. Give it a positive spin - going negative in a job interview is a big turn off for employers. Think about it, would YOU want to be around someone who complains all the time?

Focus on talking about what you really love and are passionate about. This is the same advice I give to my workshop attendees at General Assembly and Brooklyn Brainery. When you speak from a place of passion, your audience (in this case your potential employer) picks up on that and you rise above the other interviewees.

Of course, your passion is hopefully connected to your job - but that’s not always the case. Perhaps this job is a foot in the door. This might be the job you need to get you closer to the job you REALLY want. Communicating your desire to learn more and build on what you already know is a great place to start.

The one thing that you must do is spend some time looking at and writing out your personal history. Yes, it’s jobs that you’ve had, and school you’ve attended - but don’t forget to think about the things that you do that you might not have been paid for - sports, hobbies, gardening, family history, traveling, etc. These are important elements that reveal who you are and what makes you unique.

Once you’ve written down your personal history, and included all of the things you’ve done and are good at (paid or not), think about a way to tell your story that emphasizes your strengths that will give a brief history of what brought you to where you are today.

Practice telling the story out loud. Time yourself. Have a five minute version ready. Then, a two and a one minute version. Obviously, you can’t tell everything, but you can hand pick the important elements that are relevant to your potential employer that brought you to where you are today.

By planning in advance and having your story ready to go, you’ll avoid some of the interview anxiety that can result in missing an opportunity to land the job you’ll love.

Technically Speaking -10 Tips for Speaking on Technical Topics

Speaking about something technical need not be boring. No matter how technical your topic, it’s up to you to find a way to keep your audience interested in what you have to say. Here are 10 steps to take to assure you’ll keep your audience with you.

1. Think about why you are speaking. Most of the time, you are the bearer of information that in some way will improve the lives of those you are speaking to. As the subject matter expert, you have a gift to give your audience that will help them out. Think about an action that they will take as a result of your presentation. Saying you’re speaking to them to “impart information” is a cop out. Get more active and think about what they’ll DO with your words of wisdom.
2. Give your unique perspective and tell personal stories that relate to your material. Whether you’re talking about APIs or financials - everything has a story behind it that adds up to meaning for your audience. Its up to you to find stories that connect you to your material. Your audience will remember anything that relates to a good story. Including a “wart” story about some really stupid thing you did (but learned from) is a great way to get the audience on your side. Just make sure it ties back to your topic. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t feel confident about what you have to offer your audience, but no one likes a know it all. If you’ve lived life, you’ll have plenty of things to draw from.
3. Define who your audience will be. What is their background? What are they interested in? How familiar will they be with your topic? This is one of the most important things that people tend to overlook - but finding out what your audience really cares about will help you tailor your presentation to their needs and interest.
4. Do you care about your topic? If you don’t care and can’t show passion for your subject, you certainly can’t expect your audience to. You’ll be radiating your boredom, and your audience will follow suit.
5. Keep it Conversational. Sure, you’re the subject matter expert, but that doesn’t mean you have to speak like a robot. Tape yourself and listen and / or watch. Does it sound like you’re speaking at gunpoint, or like you’re actually talking to someone? Practice with a friend running through the presentation talking to them as you would about anything. Speaking like a real person having a real conversation makes a huge difference to your audience.
6. Make Eye Contact. Keeping your face buried in your notes, or staring at the screen behind you disconnects you from your audience. After you make a point at the end of a phrase or sentence, check to see if the audience got what you said. Avoid scanning the audience, choose one person at a time to speak to, and the entire audience will feel as if you’re talking to them.
7. Breathe and Slow Down. These are the two things that will most quickly improve your ability to speak effectively to an audience. No doubt, having lots of pairs of eyes on you is freaky and stressful, and you’ll probably start to breathe in a very shallow way, and speak as fast as you can so you can get this over with. This is normal, so don’t beat yourself up for being a freak. Breathing more deeply will send needed oxygen to your brain and nervous system telling them to calm down. Pauses and breaks are great ways to give your audience time to process what you’ve said.
8. Be Prepared, not perfect. Perfection doesn’t exist, and straining to be perfect will squeeze the life out of your presentation and squelch your natural ability to carry on a conversation with your audience.
9. Choose your visual images carefully. Less equals more. Go easy on the bullet points, and please don’t just read exactly what’s on your screen without elaborating. If you have to use bulleted lists - at least reveal them as you speak about them, otherwise everyone will stop listening to you while they are reading what’s on your screen. Use real world examples and talk about real situations. Check out Garr Reynold’s Presentation Zen for more tips.
10. Practice. A lot. Period. I’ve come across a lot of people who feel that if they practice too much, their presentation will come off as “too rehearsed.” The most calm, relaxed, conversational presenters you’ll see have rehearsed A LOT to look that effortless. It’s hard work, and takes time, but as long as you rehearse, connect to your words, have passion for your subject, and carry on a conversation with your audience, you’ll come across as genuine and knock it out of the park.

A Minute of Silence Please

Ok, maybe not a full minute, but how about a few seconds? When speaking in front of a group, most people find it difficult to get comfortable taking a pause in their speech at all. As the person getting the focus of the entire room, it can feel like you could drive a Mack truck through any pauses you take.

Its easy to feel that if you’re not speaking every second that somehow the audience might get bored. You might feel the pressure to deliver your words rapid fire - as if you’ll lose your reputation for being the subject matter expert if take a pause.

The funny thing is - taking a pause and taking your time will give the impression that you really ARE the expert - as you’re not worried about trying to prove it to anyone.

So, take a breath, take your time, remember to pause - particularly if it feels like a big challenge. Practice it as you run through your speech out loud - finding appropriate places to pause.

This is your time - be wise with how you shape it. Give your audience time to process what you’re saying - they’ll be thankful.

Make a Better World

You’ve got the deadline. You’ve done your research. Your content is starting to take shape, but you’re still having problems getting at the root of your presentation.

When leading workshops at General Assembly, Out Professionals, or speaking to clients individually - this is a common place people arrive when they are organizing their content.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• Who is my audience and what would really be of value for them?
• What can I give them that would make their work or lives better?
• What do I want this audience to do as a result of my speaking to them?

In most cases, you - as the subject matter expert - have some inside scoop, some unique experience, some special knowledge that can help your audience better achieve their goals.

To pair it down even further, you are there to improve their lives in some way by sharing your own expertise and experience. They receive that gift and use it in their lives to make things better for them, or for their audience or (in corporate speak) their stakeholders.

So go out and speak - make the world a better place!

Critical much?

You know the voice. It’s that mini me on your shoulder that’s telling you things like:

What was I thinking?  This audience hates me.

Every time you get up, you trip over your words and blow it!

You sound so dumb.

As the voice in your head continues, it takes more control of how you perceive yourself, bringing you down and making you feel worse and worse. The self fulfilling prophesy.

OK, stop and let’s put on the brakes for a minute. Let’s get all this down on paper.  Really. Make a list of all the things that this negative voice is saying. It’s a simple exercise that can help you examine and look with a critical eye at all the crap you’re saying about yourself. 

Reality check. They are thoughts, not reality.

What are you saying to yourself?

In “Leadership Presence,” Belle Linda Hapern and Kathy Lubar list 7 ways to disengage your Inner Critic:

1. Humor. Make jokes. Lightheartedness helps. Exaggerate. “Right! If I make a mistake, the world will stop spinning. Everyone will die instantly!”
2. Acceptance. Accept that you may not be perfect. If your innner critic says you may screw up of fail, say “You know, I might.” This kind of acceptance dis-empowers the inner critic.
3. Pleasure. Do something pleasurable, because the inner critic hates pleasure. Anything that feels good will take you away  from the cold, ugly place where the inner critic lives. Hot baths, showers, eating something delicious are examples.
4. Intention. Focus on your goal, the reason you’re doing what you’re doing, rather than on the reaction of the audience.
5. Focusing on Others. This is a corollary of focusing on your intention. Focus on the other people in your meeting, on what they need, on making them feel comfortable.
6. Inner Support. Think of things that give you confidence. Moments in your life when you felt proud of yourself, when you accomplished something difficult or when you were recognized.
7. Using Imagery. Visualize the inner critic in some way. It may be some skinny red-faced guy in a tuxedo who’s always yammering at you through pursed lips. Or your image might be a swarm of attacking bees. Morph that skinny guy into someone friendlier. Imagine those bees becoming butterflies that caress you with fluttering wings.

Take the power of that critic away. 

First Impressions are Lasting Impressions

In my workshops last week at General Assembly and Out Professionals, a lot of the attendees talked about wanting to work on making good first impressions.

Most of us think we subscribe to the concept that we judge people based on knowing them for an extended period of time. The reality is often another story. Back in my acting days, we worked on our monologues for auditions tirelessly.  But what we ALSO worked on were

• How we walked into a room (confident, but friendly)
• How we said our name (declarative, without an up inflection - like a question)
• Making eye contact with the auditors and smiling when first entering the audition room
• Rehearsing saying the name of the piece we’d be performing as well as the author and character in a clear, confident way

So why on earth would we focus all this attention on what seems like innocuous behavior? Because first impressions can make or break your ability to get the job. First impressions carry a lot of weight, and whether you’re auditioning for a role, interviewing for a job, networking, building your business, or looking for a date, the way people perceive you has everything to do with your ability to get what you’re seeking.

Spend time working on making a positive, friendly connection with potential clients, employers…as many people as you can because you never know how they might be able to help you out.

Yes, sometimes it’s a real effort. We all have shitty days when we’re cranky. The effort you put into making a good first impression will pay off.  Sure, be clear about your subject matter - practice speaking out loud your pitch, or your work history - but remember to pay attention to how you first connect with people. They won’t forget it.

Avoid being Perfect

This past weekend, I was out of town visiting some friends from my past - some of which I’d not seen in over 25 years. Say what you will about Facebook, but it really has been the catalyst for the reunions that I’ve had with friends I’d long lost touch with - and I love that about it.

Ever since I got back, I’ve found it a challenge to wrap my mind around all that has happened. To me, and everyone that I saw. We were all in our early 20s - I was in punk bands and art school, and like many people at that point in their lives, we felt like we were going to make great contributions - really affect the future, and in my own head (with my over inflated sense of self) - I felt I was destined to be a true artistic success (whatever that really meant).  I wouldn’t consider myself a cynic now, but I’ve dialed down and shifted my definition of what success really is.

So what does all of this have to do with public speaking?  Well, you get up in front of a crowd, and you often lug around a lot of baggage.  Baggage with rigid ideas of what “success” is and what it might look like.  One of the main tips I mention to help people be better speakers is to avoid trying to be “perfect.” Why? Because it doesn’t really exist. When people struggle to be “perfect,” they usually become wooden, disconnected and boring.

So, loosen up, clarify your thoughts, practice a lot out loud, and go up and kill it!